"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to suck the marrow from the bones of life; to put to rout all that was not life, and not to come to the end of life, and discover that I had not lived."
Henry David Thoreau's words could not be more timely for me at this point in my life because basically, it breaks down into two options: the life you want to lead and the life you are actually leading. For me before bikram yoga, there had always been a disconnect between the two. Three years ago, after exhausting every excuse I could muster, I walked into the Grapevine studio and 90 minutes later, never really left again. Before that first memorable class, I had tried every form of exercise available to a human being in my pursuit of "happiness": gyms, parachuting, month long bike trips through Yellowstone National Park, aerobics certification...name it. My life had always been full throttle and I was proud of it. Who had time to ponder slowing down when there was always another challenge a few minutes away? The problem was that as I was hurtling head first into the next adrenaline charged adventure, I was connected to my body, but not my heart or "conscious presence." I began finding myself involved in what seemed to be random events but what I later realized were consequences of living on "auto pilot": car accidents, work drama, relationship hassles, health problems. The universal message was "STOP" and in doing so, I was introduced to the beauty of the present moment.
My sister and life muse, Paulette, had been doing bikram yoga for a year but it wasn't until I injured a knee in a weightlifting incident that I finally took the time to take my own class. I've written some about the physical struggles and benefits of this type of yoga in my singles blog on www.bikramyogagrapevine.com but it's the "mindfulness" I've experienced that I could write reams on. The intense heat of the room, the stillness, the monologue of the instructor that rarely changes, the scratchy feel of the towel on the bottom of my feet all make me conscious of what I am doing in each class. Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out. Before I realized it, I was extending this consciousness to my life outside class and I began to feel a little more peaceful, a little more calm. I wasn't swept up in mental "to-do" lists and the ongoing dialogue in my head. I gained awareness in conversations and instead of thinking of what to say next, I listened more and concentrated deeply on what the other person was saying. I connected with a better sense of compassion which greatly helped my students in my career as a high school counselor. In short, I became aware of my existence and to me, that is living deliberately.
Since I am the only Lorusso living in Texas, the loving, happy smiles of the instructors have become an important part of my day. Each of them adds a little twist to the class and makes me grateful for their differences. Stacey's sense of humor and propensity to jump on my back during the second half of the class, Katie's random funny thoughts, Sherri's steady, calm demeanor even when people are trying to run out of the room, Jorina's excellent personal instruction, Carla and Jay's intermittent appearances (when they're in town) and the subtle way they interact together, Sami's sweet, soft voice, LaDonna's hilarious stories (the catfish who ate a soccer ball?), Suzann's wonderful easygoing cadence and Carrie's lighthearted exuberance have become woven into the "fibers" of each day. The friendships I've formed with some of the students have also given me strength and confidence toward a much more thorough practice. Leah, Sarah and Garri are three beautiful, gracious women who showed me I could do a "double" and not only survive, but thrive.
Bikram yoga has been a true revelation for me... a living example of being present and peaceful. It's not just 26 postures in a heated room. It's about changing, growing and becoming a better person.
|
