All I could hear was heavy breathing and as much as I'd like to claim responsibility for being the cause, I wasn't. It was the guy behind me and to the left trying to keep some semblance of balance on his drenched mat with what felt like 120 degrees and 99 percent humidity in the Bikram Yoga room. I was psyched that day...clad in my cute little Yogabella shorts ensemble, but the oppressive heat of the room had my head spinning, too. I knew that for the next 90 minutes I would again realize my own mortality and yes, inadequacies. The crazy thing is that I knew I would ultimately be thankful for the experience when it was over.
I'm a single yogini in the city...not to be confused with Sarah Jessica, mind you. I don't wear Manolo flip flops to the studio and hope to find "Mr. Big" on a mat but I did wander into the studio three years ago for probably a few of the more superficial reasons. I was injured from a weightlifting incident and couldn't do anything else plus my sister had claimed that Bikram Yoga burned calories better than any diet she'd ever tried. I emailed Stacey for information and then showed up in entirely too much clothing one afternoon and began my odyssey.
Once in the room, my perfectionism "disability" kicked in and I noticed I was dressed for what looked like an afternoon at the movies while everybody else was looking sleek and relaxed. I spent the first 20 minutes of class making a mental list of what I needed to do to "fit in": nylon shorts (check); athletic bra (check); cool yoga mat (check). Pranayama breathing? I was too busy looking around the room comparing myself! I emerged from the first class red faced, sweaty and exuberant. I realized I had met my ultimate physical challenge or so I thought...
Three years later, it's still kicking my now firmer butt but the mental changes have far outweighed the physical. I'm still single but now I revel in my status. I continue to learn to be "in the moment" and not think about whom I may meet or what kind of relationship I want. The discipline it takes to learn the postures and stay in the room when I want to dissolve into the floor, has given me a confidence I never knew. When I do meet someone, my first thought is no longer whether he'll like and approve of me, but instead whether he'll be someone I'd like to include in my happy, full life. It's a powerful switch and one that I'd like to give to a few of my girlfriends as a "gift" but I know that until they walk into a Bikram class to face their own "inner demons," it would just be words. By the way, pranayama breathing is now one of my favorite things. I highly recommend it before a blind date!
